March 30, 2009
Textnovel
Yes, I know it has been awhile.
Hi.
Within this time period, I have not been working on much, as I was dealing with death. However, it became apparent to me that writing can and always will be, cathartic. So, like a big strangle to the heart muscle –
The first thing I would like to talk about is the entity called Textnovel . I was first asked to take part of this as a way to get more people to a newby site, by the founder Stan Soper. He also encouraged me to take part in their $1,000.00 prize. This sounds like a load of shit, because really … who is going to pay us idiot writers a whole grand just for our silly ideas? I, however, being the optimist that I am, took part in their first contest and sadly, lost. You can find my entry here.
The basics on the contest is that you harangue everyone you know to “vote” for you on the site (voting is basically clicking a little ‘thumbs up’ icon at the top of the story page. You do have to sign up at the site to do this. However, I pretty much never get e-mails from Textnovel, so don’t worry about Spam. Then the stories with the largest amounts of ‘thumbs up’ points goes to a Editorial Advisory Board, who vote on their favorite story and whoever gets the most votes, wins. Pretty simple.
As many of you may know, I have a love/hate relationship with this site for many reasons, but have decided to write their again, because – why not? Even if you don’t win a damn thing … you get your work out there to a new audience!
I can guarantee you that this is 100% legit and you DO get a grand (the winner actually put up a screen shot on her Facebook of the check, as no one believed her. I have spoken with her at length, and she is a good sort, and I am very happy for her for winning.) You also get ol’ Stan to work as your “agent” of some kind (if he wants to) for a whole year. As far as I can tell, the winner has had a lot of offers from her book.
As you can see from the site, these are Cell Phone Novels. Which generally means people can download your story and read it on their cell phone or whatever mobile device they have. Pretty wicked (though I never used this option, as my cell phone is an old grand daddy that would not be able to handle this.) However, you are completely open to writing a ‘normal sized’ novel as well, as Stan is also looking for ‘real’ book length literature.
Recently, as I said, I realized that writing could be the most cathartic thing for me in this situation. So, I started a new novel (hopefully MUCH better than my original, which ended up as a crazy blood bath). My new story is
To Those Of You Who Have Never Been Afraid .
I am only on chapter four, so be patient! I am working up to some good stuff about ol’ Connie and David! Anyway, if any of you out there were ever considering taking your writing “further,” sign up for Textnovel. It is a really easy way to get your work out there and possibly win a grand! Or, if you do not want to do that, vote for my story! I only have a couple of months left to finish this thing, so any help is definitely LOVED.
Be sure to leave me a comment if you start up your own novel there, so I can read it and give it a thumbs up as well!
Much love,
H.
March 5, 2009
Interview (FINALLY) with Featured Writer Jake Svercek!
1. Tell us a little about yourself and your writing, Jake:
I’m incredibly left-brained so if you’re looking for a really clever response to any of these questions, you will be sorely disappointed.
I have a love-hate relationship with writing. For a while I was really horrible at it, then got better and wanted to be a writer, then changed my mind.
I changed my mind because I’m an expressionist, and I value what we have to say through our art. So to me writing is about expression more than anything, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that by making my writing commercial.
2. How do you feel about Blackout Poems?
I think they’re brilliant. If only I were brilliant enough to be good at them.
3. How old were you when you started writing poetry? How old were you when you started writing ‘good’ poetry? How did you get there?
I was 11 when I wrote my first poem. As for good poetry, I don’t think I’ll ever get there. Though the first poem I wrote that I thought was worth publishing was in junior year of high school.
4. What would you do if someone changed your name to Octopi Sanderson without your consent, and then everyone refused to then call you Jake ever again?
I’d be really amused by that, but only for a little while. I’ve gone through ten or twenty names, pen names, legal names–they don’t really stick with me.
5. How do you feel about publishing?
I think publishing has gotten incredibly commercial, and I’m not okay with that.
6. Who is your favorite writer (and poet) and why?
This changes over time. Right now I’m a big fan of Jeffrey Eugenides because I could see myself writing like that if I got a lot better at it. He doesn’t have a set voice–which may sound bad, but I favour flexibility, and he’s just an incredibly powerful writer.
I don’t have a favourite poet at the moment, but I have been getting into spoken word, and Andrea Gibson is pretty fantastic. If you haven’t already, you should look her up.
7. Tell us about yourself, the self that isn’t a writer.
I’m a perfectionist, procrastinator, narcissist, and never happy about anything. I don’t get a lot of sleep. I have too much on my plate and even more in my stomach. I have more daydreams than dreams, and I’m a business major, but I don’t know the first thing about the stock market.
8. Is grammar important to poetry?
Yes, in the sense that people should know what they’re doing. If they write something using bad grammar for a reason, and it works, that’s okay. But if they just have no idea how the English language works, that is not okay.
9. Is Texas important to poetry?
No. There are some good poets from Texas on deviantART and other writing communities, but I was a member of the Poetry Society of Texas last year, and it’s a joke. Texas is not particularly well-known for poetry.
10. Lastly, who would win in a fight: Vonnegut or Palahniuk?
Vonnegut. Palahniuk writes like a badass, but he’s really just a big nerd. You can tell by looking at his face.
BONUS QUESTION:
Is it possible for art to eventually die off, once there is no more “newness” (hypothetically)?
No. There is never any newness, just people saying things in different ways. Everything’s been said before, but it hasn’t been said in the exact way that you or I would say it.
Jake’s question for me, H. Bell:
Would you rather have your left arm sawed off (no anesthesia) or never be able to write poetry again? Explain why.
I would never write poetry again. But you didn’t say I couldn’t write anything so I would write things on my supermarket lists like “I am the saddest woman tonight,” and you can’t get mad because see, maybe I am just sad. That isn’t poetry, just sadness. And on my to-do lists I would write, “there are many things in this world that you must do alone,” and you can’t get angry about that because, well, it’s true isn’t it? And then I would go to a hair salon and say, “here are my famous last words,” and it wouldn’t matter what I said after that, because it wouldn’t be a poem. And you couldn’t get mad.
(which I, of course then write out in entirety from the link because you people are assholes about clicking links and this is important. As Jake has previously said, he is attempting to win a huge competition for an artist nonprofit he has started. Read on-)
“A group of us on dA are starting (or growing, rather) a nonprofit art organization called Artist of Tomorrow. Currently we are in the Dell Social Innovation Competition to win $50,000 in seed money to help artists around the world.
You can help us get to the next round by voting for us here: [link]
1. Register (it only asks for an email address).
2. Click the promote button.
Here’s a bit about what we do:
1) We provide opportunities for individuals through art.
From high-risk kids in poor neighbourhoods to frustrated white collar workers, we aim to help everyone who has something to say by giving them the opportunity to do so through art. I’m sure you are all aware of the expressive nature and power of art–we want to bring that to, literally, everyone, so people around the world have the opportunity to express themselves.
What do we mean by opportunity?
– local support: branches in your community filled with artists who will support each other. We have artists around the world starting communities to help local artists.
– global network: currently working on a forum and interface on our website where all the local branches can get together and connect and interact.
– public support: we have a number of projects that aim to make art relevant again and create a larger market for artists. For example, One Million Pages (~onemillionpages) simultaneously increases literacy and helps out novelists and writers.
– resources: we are currently compiling tutorials and other resources by professors and experts in various art media to help artists grow their craft.
– direct exposure: we will be partnering with publishers, magazines, museums, art exhibitors (don’t know if that’s the right term for them), record labels, you name it, in the future to give talented members many more opportunities to be profitable at what they love without giving up their individual expression.
2. We increase understanding and openness on a global level.
Let’s be honest, art helps us see other people’s perspectives. Once we get everyone communicating, expressing, listening to each other, we can strengthen understanding, openness, and tolerance around the world.
Maybe that’s the answer to ending wars. Maybe it’s the beginning of world peace.
(Anything is possible.)
So in conclusion, this is a last ditch effort to ask artists around the world to help us grow the organization. If you believe in art, please vote!
We can also be found at ~artistoftomorrow.
ALSO:
Tomorrow is the LAST DAY to help get $50,000 for art. Voting ends at 5PM CT on March 5th, so please vote if you have not already and plug it in your journals so your friends can vote!
Love,
H.
March 3, 2009
Writing Exercises And I Eat Your Cat.
Again, I was going to finally do the interview with Jake Svercek, but I have yet to ask him any questions. I have been having a hard time writing lately. I feel like I am sitting in a therapy room and I should say, “Hello, my name is H. and I am a bullshit artist.”
Or, “Hello, my name is H. and I am an asshole.”
Or, “Hello, it was me that killed your cat.”
I decided to try some of those ‘writing exercises’ you can find online by Googling (or Yahoo-ing for all of you people who want miscellaneous crap on your search page) ‘writing exercises.’ This proved to be the stupidest thing I have ever done. If you ever want to write a lot of stuff about your ‘sorrowful broken heart,’ or EROTCISM or ‘I want to jump off a bridge like a teenager with a mild to severe steriod problem,’ then do a writing exercise. I don’t like writing exercises. Instead, this is what I suggest:
In this case, I chose to read I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT by Sam Pink.
I shall allow you the glory of an excerpt:
LET’S TAKE A BATH TOGETHER
Hold my hand. Let’s take a bath together. I don’t mind if it’s cold in the bathtub. And I don’t mind being crowded. When you are not looking, I will open my mouth by your head to see if it would fit inside. If you notice, I will say, “I must be tired” and then under my breath I will add, “of not biting biting your head.” I will put bubbles in the bath and throw a handful of them in the air. I will say, “Yay, it is snowing.” You will say, “Don’t lie to me.” I will respond, “But it is so much fun.” I will wash you with a bar of soap made of soft skeletons but I will not tell you. If I told you, you’d probably just leave. I will run the bar over your body and wish I was the bar because after touching your body, the bar doesn’t have to say a word. I will watch the dirt go down the drain. “I’m out of towels,” I will say. “I think I have some downstairs. Let’s go check.” While we are checking, I will push you into the oven. I will dry you in the oven. And you press your hands and face against the glass. Let’s take a bath together because when I take a bath by myself I am afraid I will drown.
/
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I feel a little more relevant now. I feel like writing something, perhaps getting this something made into a neon bar sign and hanging it in front of your house. Perhaps I never met you, but I just watch you as you walk your dog on Monday evenings and I wear dark glasses and a low hat. Perhaps I would like to say, “hello,” but I suspect you would think I am imaginary. I feel like writing something and smoking a cigar on the back patio and you are in the basement. I feel like writing a love poem now. Do you?
.
I think we all should buy that book. OK. I can’t stand it when people say they never read poetry or fiction because it would “affect their own work.” This makes me very angry. This usually means you are a thirteen year old with bad skin who masturbates too often to photographs of the young Susan Sarandon. Usually, these people write terrible diatribes about their “crimson blood” and their mommy sex fantasies. Go to Hell. Read a book. Read any sort of book (unless of course, it has to do with adolescent vampires discovering love for the first time, lawyers solving the same old case over and over, or mysteries with the word “cat” in the title.) Reading books helps you write much better. And let’s be honest, you write like shit.
.
If anyone has anything to say that is amazing and/or has to do with erectile dysfunction, please e-mail me or let me know in other, more interesting ways.
Love,
H.
February 27, 2009
Tiny Poems Might Kill You.
Tiny in the physically small sense, actually.
The venerable Adam Deutsch is starting up a fun project for all of you! It is Glovebox Poems and they are many and they are small.
For you lazy people who do not simply want to go to the Glovebox Poems website, here are the details (obviously copied from the website like an asshole!):
SO DO IT.
I am making banana bread like an 80 year old woman and thinking about writing a poem for this. I think it may be hilarious to write a poem about killing people or poems killing you. Or banana bread. Or prenatal vitamins. Or the moment when you look out there window and I am standing there wearing my bear-suit and waving HELLO.
So, you all should do it. It will be fun. Adam says it will be fun. Adam has never lied to you, though of course it is possible, who knows. Most likely if he were to lie to you it would just be that he plans to make these poems so he can then kill you with paper cuts. Who knows. Let’s have fun!
.
For some more fun info on teeny tiny poems, check out Poems-For-All .
Love,
H.
p.s. tell me what you think about this as it is clearly quite scandalous.
February 24, 2009
Featured Poet – Jake Svercek!
Ol’ Jake with the butcher knife in his hand. Ol’ Jake. Ol’ Jake writes much better poetry than you. This makes you angry. This makes you want to die. This makes you want to give up, become a receptionist. This makes you want to say, “Vodka tonic, please.” This makes you want to sit on top of your dog or cat and watch while they wiggle too much. Then you get up and say, “bad dog/cat!” This makes you blame others for your shortcomings.
Hello, Jake:
Temporary Lover
by Jake Svercek
Already the train’s whistle is blowing
blue in the distance, its smoke fraying at the
corners of the sky. I tap my Chucks as I would on the
decks of cargo ships (for luck), and I salute
Every lover on the platform waving but mine, whose
far-stretching eyes have no hold on the hem of my tattered jeans,
“Good-bye,” she does not whisper. I am aching to leave be-
hind nothing and everything snagged in my father’s pines; I am an
Island cocking its ear towards where his voice
joins my mother’s song, clinging to every note and every
key but my own. “Home” tastes of the morning
light through St. Peter’s stained glass windows
Melting under London rain, sleeping with Arlington grass
nestled against my ears, dreaming the gates of Zijin Cheng
open to the tears of the rising sun. But those are just words
penciled in the faded map against my ribs, nostalgic and
Quaint as my grandfather the almost-explorer
riffling through the pages of old journals that
stain my thoughts with possibility. It is almost time for
tea where I am standing, but the train heaves
Under the rift and bridge of the Chunnel, and my
vision fades like the memories of a temporary lover,
wearing only skin. My fingers itch for the touch of
xeranthema pressed against Rosseau’s pages,
Yellowed by the years, as if I could imagine my
zenith like Everest peeking over the gray of the horizon.
/
That is very nice and poignant, Jake. Smart people say things like poignant and that dress makes your ass look slightly less fat than usual. Let’s think about this a little more: Jake has things to say, he actually has a non-profit organization. Let’s think about this while we listen to Jake talk about this organization and what you can do to develop it further:
Artist of Tomorrow is a nonprofit organization built by artists, for artists. And by “artist” we mean every person who had something to say but couldn’t, who fought to be heard, and who wanted only to matter. We’re talking about what it’s like to be a human being, because art, said Nietzsche, is the highest metaphysical activity of this life.
We have a couple of goals:
1) Start local branches around the world that give anyone who considers themselves an artist (or even people who don’t) the resources and encouragement to express.
2) Grow the network to thousands if not millions of artists worldwide.
3) Foster our passions and our voices. Help artists to be heard.
4) Compile a video and essay database of tutorials, lectures, and advice from experienced artists, professors, and other experts. Make this available to artists to help develop their skill.
5) Allow artists to communicate more readily, have healthier self-esteem and relationships.
6) Spearhead social projects, such as the ones to promote literacy and environmentalism that we have going on right now. Get people who are passionate about stuff together and make a difference.
Ultimately we’re about proactive art, art that matters, and we want you to join us. We’re also set to win $50,000 to help fund our organization. You can help us get that seed money by going to Dell Social Innovation Competition and voting. Just register (takes less than 30 seconds) and hit the promote button on our page.
/
I love it as I love all things proactive towards the arts! Let’s face it, kids, art gets the short end of the stick. Science is just so much shinier. I know what you’re thinking: “IT’S JUST SO HARD TO CLICK SOME BUTTONS AND VOTE OMGZZZZ!!!111” No, it’s actually quite easy. And take it from me, because I am really, really lazy. So if you don’t vote for this, then you are probably a Communist. You are probably Hitler’s grandchild, bleaching your mustache to blend in. And I even have a pet Duck named Frank O’Hara and he doesn’t have fingers, but I saw – with my OWN EYES- he picked up a pencil in his little ducky beak and he voted. If a duck can vote, so can you. Let’s give a round of applause for Frank O’Hara!
Jake Svercek’s work can also be found here (if you’re curious to read more, which of course you are.) Or! Just wait a couple of days, and I shall be posting a wonderful interview with Mr. Svercek and featuring more of his poems!
MY OPINION ON JAKE SVERCEK:
(DISCLAIMER: I like to get a little crazy some nights and I put on a bear suit and peek in people’s windows and go “roar.” I think this shows my maturity level).
Since I found Jake’s writing, I have been quite intrigued. He seems to write from inside. You’re thinking, “that sounds dumb!” and now looking up various online video games. But though ‘writing from inside’ is frequently used within the realm of poetry, I mean something a little different. To be able to see the world, take it in. But Jake digests that god damn world and he makes something new out of it.
One of my favorite things about poetry in general is that it can make you think differently if, perhaps, only for a moment. I think that might be what it’s all about, as they say. Jake’s work does not say a sky is a sky. Rather, he says a sky is you or I, or that dog you left out in the rain. Listen, just look up more of his poetry. That’s all I am asking. Be inspired, write something of your own.
PUT ON A BEAR SUIT AND SAY ROAR.
It’s what poetry is all about!
Much love,
H.
February 21, 2009
Courage Campaign
This does not have anything to do with writing, but please read on-
As many of you may or may not know, on October 18, 2008, I got married.
I got married to a really great guy who I had dated for two years, who I lived with (pretty much that entire time period, what can I say – we really really liked each other immediately!), and who I love more than anything else on this planet.
He proposed on December 5th, 2008. I broke the combination on the gun safe (we aren’t too normal, I never said we were normal!) and I found my ring inside and I hugged him and I thought, “well, this is it!” I began planning, got some bridesmaids, got a place to get married, got all that jazz and flowers.
I have never been a person who lives by today’s standards. I am a feminist, a full-time writer, a boot polishing, push-up bra wearing, bitch. I’m probably going to ask you if you have any wine. I am probably going to drink all of your wine and create a ruckus. I am probably going to jump in your pool fully clothed. I am probably going to wear a yellow bikini and carry a pistol.
I never had this “princess wedding” thing daydream going on in my head since I was seven years old, like I have heard a lot of ladies do. But, I wanted to get married. I wanted to get married, but I didn’t really want to get married until I met my husband. For all of you happily married people out there, you know what I mean. You can’t imagine not waking up all wrapped around them. You are planning on being with them anyway, forever, and you have it worked out in your head that you are two mature adults with two mature lives and you have this love thing figured out as well:
it’s not “OH MY GOD I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU” (mostly because a lot of days it’s oh my god will you leave me alone already??) It’s just that you look at them and you see the way their eyes scrunch when they laugh and you can imagine that face as an old man, still scrunching away. You love the way they delight you with boring things: a good movie night, a kiss hello, a wrapped in your arms while you’re doing the dishes and then helping you finish. It’s a general sense of contentedness and a huge sigh when you think about the future. It is now not “maybe” but “certainly, yes.”
So, I got married. Just like that. Planned for awhile, got everything in order, said the things we needed to say and BAM. We were married and it’s February and I couldn’t be happier. However, one thing I realized is that I love love, so nothing angers me more than people who are against it.
Take a look at this .
Please please please sign the letter. You know what is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen? My husband’s face. Because he is my husband and we have decided we want everyone to god damn know we love each other.
Let’s grow up, stop thinking that we are (for some weird reason) OK with a black president, but gay marriage is (for some weird reason) just taking it too far. Open your hearts a little. Please. Love.
February 20, 2009
Morganne Couch – Featured Artist Interview!
First, I just want to say a few things: I have been quite sick with the Black Plague, so please forgive me that this has taken longer than expected to post. The Black Plague is like Emphysema for small animals. Or, imagine if you kept blowing your nose, but all that came out with large blood clots. For my thoughts on this sickness, please reference the photograph on my new author page.
/
On to Ms. Morganne! She has some lovely work included in Read This Magazine‘s Skin Deep Anthology (preorder!!) Which includes the venerable Kim Addonizio (holy shit!) She also should be being interviewed very soon at One Night Stanzas as well, as a Featured Poet! She is basically more famous than your Grandmother, which is saying a lot because your Grandmother was a Nazi who made people into lampshades!
I shall now include yet another of her amazing poems:
You Let Men Lay On You
-by Morganne Couch
Don’t give me that bullshit about
being a goddess, you let men lay on you.
your teeth are falling out, one by one. don’t swallow the fluoride.
don’t swallow the anesthetics. you gave him both of your kidneys.
you are dying with bruises on your shoulders and you are dying
without a spine and you are dying.
he buried your mouth in the gutter, he threw your bowels
in the streets and the dogs fought over them. you told me
you just wanted to die with a little dignity. This is not honor;
a pitbull chewing on your large intestine.
The dogs are howling while you let men lay on you.
Again, check out her poetry account here, to read more.
/
Interview:
1. Introduce yourself, please.
My name is Morganne Couch, and I think my name is an awful combination of words, but I supposed that is suitable for an individual like myself. I spend most of my time not doing anything, and the rest I usually spend kissing people, reading, drawing or writing. I love doing all of these things and being recognised for it. Unfortunately, so does everyone else.
2. What influences your writing and art?
A lot of my artwork is inspired by writing and a lot of my writing is inspired by artwork. I don’t quite understand this yet. But I’m also very much influenced by Tom Waits, Michelangelo, Henry Miller, Mae West, Animals, Sex, Biology, Heather Bell, Language and the messes people make. I could have probably said ‘everything influences my work’ but that would have been boring and a big lie.
3. How do you feel about things like this?
I think these are fantastic and wonderful, and more silly, racey things like this should exist.
4. How often do you eat eggs?
As seldom as I can. Eggs scare me, with their nice shapes and bright yellow centers. But actually I just think they taste terrible.
5. Are you published anywhere, have any writing/art achievements you would like to mention?
I’m not published anywhere yet, although there are plans for up and coming small publications very soon which I am excited about. In march, I’m supposed to be featured on One Night Stanzas, Read This Magazine is publishing one of my poems, and I am also going to be part of the Skin Deep anthology. I’ve had a lot of luck, albeit I think it’s just because Claire Askew wants me to bake her forty dozen cookies.
As for art, I live in the smallest town ever, so I haven’t had the opportunity for exhibitions, but I’ve sold a handful of drawings which is definitely exciting to know maybe I won’t starve to death!
6. What is your mother’s name and how has that influenced your art?
Shaw; I think this has been my secret source of inspiration for many years. Along side drive-by’s, zebra masks, rifle barrels and the way my make-up sometimes smudges after sex.
7. Is it accurate to say that you are a derogatory and terrible human being?
Maybe not derogatory, but definitely terrible. Haha, I love being terrible, if I wasn’t, life would be boring and less bloody.
8. How do you feel about form poetry?
Some of it is nice, although I think it’s good to break away from that. Counting syllables, OKAY; but if you’re writing a couplet or sestina or ghazal all the time, it’s going to get boring. Don’t do that. Boring is why poetry has a bad reputation!
9. How do you feel about ‘writing popularity’?
Any popularity towards writing is good, I think. Unless that means vampires and romance. Then just shoot me. I mean it.
10. Lastly, when did you start writing/making art?
I used to make my sister hand drawn coloring books as a kid, but I’ve only been drawing seriously for about five years. Writing on the other hand is difficult to pin down. Mostly I’ve read since I could walk and when I wrote it was shitty, until about 6months ago. Then people started saying things like ‘You’re Good!’ and ‘r u naked?’ and ‘HajusjJJJJahahdhheyryfb’, so I keep going.
BONUS QUESTION: Send me a dollar and a pitcher of beer?
OF COURSE!
/
Morganne then decided to ask ME some silly questions. Well, it was supposed to me ONE question, but she is a terrorist. Here is her question(s):
What is your favorite poem of your own? Why and is there any special meaning we don’t know about?
I don’t think I necessarily have a favorite poem. Well, perhaps it was “It Takes Awhile,” which I can no longer link you to because I took it offline and it is going to be featured in The Columbia Review soon-ish, so I am not even going to include a snippet here.
The reason behind my loving this poem was because it was all 100% true. Normally, I write a lot of scathing lies about my compatriots and enemies. I am an asshole. But this poem was a little different. One night I felt like I was having a complete nervous breakdown and was standing at the top of the staircase slapping myself in the face and hitting my head on the wall. It is the complete sense of alienation and despair. I am one of those people that will slap you if you write only about ‘yourself’ and your life all the time, being too frightened to get out of that box, so saying I love this poem the most is kind of scandalous. At the same time, actually writing down what happened was frightening enough, that maybe I can be OK with loving this poem. OK.
As for “special meaning,” it is about what it is clearly about. The end. For anyone who never read this poem, sorry for the vagueness. It truly is my favorite and I am not going to lie just so I can link something. So kill yourself!
/
I shall leave you with real poetry, instead of my stupidity of writing about nothing:
The Year Of The Animal
by Morganne Couch
january,
i am attempting to hide from
you. i am hibernating in a bed
four times my size. i am imitating
a bear, clawing at you and growling
in my deepest growl.
february,
i stuffed you in a heart
shaped box and burried
you in my garden.
nothing grew,
but when i planted
radishes they tasted like
chocolate raspberries.
march,
where are your lions and lambs?
i have pigeon toes and
wild oats for hair,
april,
i went to the doctor on
the 10th. i learned that
i had fourty two feathers growing
from my shoulder blades.
may,
el cielo es azul,
y te quiero,
june,
my legs are the color of mosquitos,
which is deep blood red and scratches.
potato bugs crawl up my skirt.
july,
my teeth are too big for
my mouth. my appetite is
too big for my stomach.
the doctor says
that the way my
nails have turned
into claws is not normal.
august,
i have a heart murmer
and it feels like a
small rabbit growing in my upper
chest, with it’s legs kicking in
my throat.
september,
my spine is rearranging itself,
and i cannot walk on legs
alone anymore.
october,
my thumbs are gone.
november,
it is cold and i am not
cold because i am covered
in feathers and fur and i have a snout
december,
all i can do is roar.
/
BE SURE TO TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER POETRY. OR TELL ME AND I WILL TELL HER. OR EAT ANIMALS SUCH AS ELK OR MONGOOSE. BE SURE TO DIE AS WE ALL DIE. THANK YOU.
February 16, 2009
Writing In Second-Person
As everyone knows, you can write in first, second, or third person.
Second person writing is the sewer rat you found outside and thought was a dog. So you took it home and fed it and brushed it and then your mother screamed and said, “get that nasty rat out of the house!” You, being a caring individual, hid the rat under your bed and feed it jelly sandwiches and sometimes still cuddle it at night. But other than that, you have no idea what you are supposed to do with a sewer rat. Do you have to walk a sewer rat? Does it like a lot of dirty water thrown into its face to remind it of the sewer? Should you even go as far to throw it in the toilet?
And really, should sewer rats be kept secrets or should we throw them out in the open and let them fend for themselves in the backyard with the rottweiler?
I found this handy explanation of the points of view here . But all you really need to know is that second person is writing without a “he/she” or an “I.” Instead you’re left with that damn sewer rat – “you.”
For example:
You went down to the corner drug store. Harold the pharmacist says hello and then hands you a bottle. You pay him in twenties. You get home and do three lines of cocaine from the bottle, off of your Mickey Mouse comforter.
See how easy that is! However, the problem with second person narration is that you are actually telling someone how to feel. So, it can be a hard-to-relate-to narration. So, unless you are speaking in front of a bunch of kids at rehab, you might not want to write about doing cocaine.
In college, I had a professor by the name of Bob O’Connor. He wrote the book Buffalo Soldiers . I was pretty impressed by it and it really set off an entire lecture on how ‘amazing’ second person narration can be.
General synopsis of the book (I do actually recommend reading it, I liked it a lot, though it was torn apart by critics): “For the US army, peace is the continuation of war by other means. Set in Mannheim, West Germany, home of the “fighting 57th”, this first novel tells the story of Specialist Elwood, clerk to the Battalion Commander and major-league drug dealer.”
I remember Bob telling us about his idea for second person. It went a little like this: “In college I was roommates with Jay McInerney. I expressed to him my eventual desire to write an entire novel in second person narration. I felt like this would be momentous because there were not many books out, at the time, written entirely in second person. A couple of years later, Jay publishes Bright Lights, Big City , in none other than second person. He stole my idea! “
Bitter, much? That is, of course, a very brief recollection of what he said to us in class and in no way is it word for word (though the basic idea is there. He, I think, still harbors resentment about it. And also because his book was never as popular, though was made into a movie starring Joaquin Phoenix .)
As I said, I did enjoy the book though it involved a drug dealer in the military in West Germany. I am none of those things, nor do I live in West Germany. So it can be argued that it is all in the connotation in which you write.
“Write like you know what you are talking about, even if you do not,” is an old adage I received once from Joellen Kwiatek, another professor from college. I have kept that with me, and I think it also applies here. If you want to do cocaine, do it. Or else, write that you are.
You know you wanna.
Writing Resources
Writing Communities:
Textnovel (they are running their next $1,000.00 prize contest. Due date July 31st, 2008. Details here )
Allpoetry (I was a member here a long time ago, and though no longer post there, I met a lot of great writers)
Salty Dreams Poetry Forums (I was also a member a long time ago. Since, I haven’t posted anything, but found a lot of “well established” and knowledgeable poets here. And you will really get critique!)
From East To West: Bicoastal Verse (Not just a poetry forum! They also have a literary magazine, which I love, and a bookshelves section and lots more. Check it out!)
Various literary magazines I regularly enjoy:
Dogzplot (they publish some wild stuff!)
Crazyhorse (I have subscribed to these guys for years now and always enter their contest. I always lose. Still, love them.)
New Letters (They can get, at times – and wholly just my opinion – a ‘old grampa-style poetry’ but I still really like them).
Neon (who the Hell doesn’t love Neon?)
The Columbia Review (as I have a forthcoming publication with them, you might call this just general giddiness, but what I love about them is their history. Ginsburg, John Berryman, William Carlos Williams! Check it out!)
Read This Magazine (as I said before, they were the first magazine to publish little ol’ me. Claire Askew, the editor in chief, makes it a point to really read and consider all submissions, so please check them out!)
For more magazines, pick up a copy of The Poet’s Market and hit up Duotrope!
Just hang around reading other people’s rejections and you will immediately feel better about yours:
Places With Writing Ideas/Exercises:
Rachel McKibbens Blog (not to mention being extremely kick ass, she has some really great writing exercises for you to try)
Big Window (TONS of awesome ideas.)
One Night Stanzas (my absolute favorite! A side project of Claire Askew of Read This Magazine. You will get tons of writing ideas and information here. Aimed primarily at the ‘young poet.’)
Lastly, please please please check out:
Achilles Chapbooks , which make some really awesome books by amazing writers! Plus they are only five dollars! I was recently published with them, you can see my book here , but have also read quite a few of their other books, and loved them all.
Paper Hero Press . They do larger sized books and have published one of my favorite authors recently, Sam Pink .
Note:
All of these categories will be routinely updated with new and exciting information, so keep coming back for more! Also, as always, feel free to e-mail me (schimelhr@gmail.com) with your favorite magazines (or if you run a magazine, I would love to include it!) , sites with writing exercises (or if you have one of your own!), sites where you gripe about writing (love those!) and any other resources you feel that writers need to know about!
Thanks and love,
H.
February 15, 2009
Morganne Couch – Featured Artist/Poet!
Intimidation Tactics by Morganne Couch
Intimidation Tactics for
Quiet Women with Shallow Hearts-
learn to say no. know when to say yes.
eat dinner alone, in public. wear the most
beautiful dress that you have on a tuesday.
don’t laugh at all of his jokes; establish that
you have your own taste.
swallow a bird or a small mammal;
don’t be afraid to crush things that get
in your way. say thank you when he tells
you how lovely you look tonight. don’t take
more than twenty minutes to get ready.
if you break a bone or major organ,
put some scotch tape on it and don’t cringe.
put yourself first. make up your own mind and
make sure you’re happy every step of the way.
forgive yourself for every stupid thing you’ve ever done.
don’t ever, ever cry yourself to sleep.
tell him where his hands should go.
put him out of his misery and kiss him,
he deserves it if you’ve followed this.
if all else fails
carry a pistol in your
purse or on your waist.
This poem is also located here at her deviantART poetry page .
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I love Ms. Morganne and I wonder why she is not rich and famous. I wonder why she does not have twelve dogs trained to get her croissants from the kitchen. I wonder why the United States harvested her in a small town and I wonder why she has never been to prison or at least a juvenile facility for repeat offenders.
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How The Summer Ends by Morganne Couch
The above is also located here at Morganne’s visual art deviantART page.
Two more of Morganne’s pieces:
Nothing's Scared ii by Morganne Couch
A Birdnest by Morganne Couch
These pieces of art can also be found here and here .
What I love most about Ms. Couch’s visual work is the realism. But, at the same time, there is always something interesting in the shapes and folds of each person’s face or body. It is almost as though, you can see someone you know in these faces, no matter which way you turn the piece to look at it. It is almost as though, somehow, you are looking at yourself. You see the eyes and you know that those are not your eyes, and yet maybe, they are. You do not remember kissing a man at a window, but maybe, somehow, you did.
I am not sure if she has any prints left, but there is also some for purchase here .
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My next post is going to include much more of Morganne’s poetry/writing, so I hope I have gotten your attention! Also coming up, there will be an interview with her, where she will talk a bit about her work (I admit I do not know much about visual art, so it’s always good to hear these things from the horse’s mouth. Or the mountain lion’s jaws. Or the tree’s arms and the fingers of every little kid that kills another little kid.
Much love,
H.
As always, if you would like to be featured in any way or interviewed here, please e-mail me at schimelhr@gmail.com or send me a note at my deviantART account! Always, feel free to send me your smarmy and ridiculous comments, or let me know if there is anything you would like to me talk about concerning writing or … anything!
Our Faces Sometimes Touch 
